LOST & FOUND

' When I get older losing my hair many years from now.

Will you be sending me valentine, birthday greetings and bottle of wine...

Will you still need me, will you still feed me! when I'm sixty-four.'

MEN"O"PAUSE

Just don't freak out its just not another biology lecture. Not even the agony aunt section nether i am trying to tell you the psychological and vital stats of middle aged women... ( I know the title will force you to think so)

" Aurat ko pav ki jhooti samajhna chod do"(Its a dialog from some yesteryear movie)

Yes indeed I am talking about our very much prevalent "PATRIARCHAL SOCIETY" male dominance, power and superiority complex. It all started to monitor families more over it was about the family tree that followed which is why the oldest male member had the power to take major decisions to make life simple and methodical. Rules were different for different families. Its basic objective was to follow a routine and have discipline in life.

But as lifestyle got more pacey homo sapiens, typical to there behavior are champions in escaping things. Like the rituals nowadays have become more simplistic even more are celebrated twice in just one year! Moreover this modifying trend and escapist behaviors is now seen everywhere even in are daily mundane chores. This is what we women have been the victim of ...

First place a woman is a symbol of power, force,love and affection. We worship her in many forms like 'Durga', 'Kali' , even when we want wealth and prosperity its Goddess 'Laxmi' whose worshiped before Lord 'Kuber comes in the picture. Then why do have such hypocritical society with double standards, where at one place we give her status of the Almighty and also keep the odacity to harass, abuse and molest her.

I might not be the one give the absolute decision, neither have I researched enough but I chose to speak my mind with perception and knowledge of my own. Patriarchal Society was just pictured and coined not to objectify women or manhandle them. It was just to protect them and allow them to do chores suited for them not because they are weak, but its a proven fact that physically they are not meant to do certain things. As men they are totally misinterpreted it and we have purda-system, female fetuscide and infanticide.

Many conventional writers will freak out at the boldness of my statement but I think its time to say it and face it. other than eve's teasing, lecherous gaze,just being felt in public are the most humiliating experiences experienced by almost every women. But whats most humiliating is when that same women whose your mother, wife and sister is completely shunned for five days of the month.( Its just a situation I am mentioning have been among the luckiest one by not facing it) Now my logic to it is that those five days are for her to rest even the body purges itself. Its like giving her a small vacation from her daily chores. But again the theory of misinterpretation comes in, we absolutely shun her to be in complete isolation not even allowed to worship, why would God have a problem with it when he himself created it. :)

One more dominant characteristic of this kind of society is they die for a son to carry on the lineage and the heir to the property. The most hilarious concept I have ever understood. What will the son do with the million and zillion of sperms when he will not the a women to bore it. After God its the immortal women are the ones who gives life and birth and ironically still seen as the fairer sex or the suppressed one.

So men 'o' pause and together with the support of both the genders we can practice equality and not just talk equality.

To Die For...

Tic Tac Tic !!!

Well!!! its not the clock I am talking about, neither its that silly game of cross and zeros.

I am talking about those sexy heels which make a women look seductive and adds to that omph... factor

Silly thought I know... but its quite enticing as well (in men's perspective of course it is ;))

First thing that pops in my mind is the sex diva 'MERLIN MONROE ' her white halter dress with a visibly evident cleavage accessoried with those great pair of jimmy choo pencil heels. Is so avid in my mind :) and just a wild thought but in my opinion it was the heels that made her look so stunning and suggestive. It was only that heels that accentuated her very shapely calves and made them look so desirous . Had she been in a normal peep toe or wedge heel she would have looked so ordinary. But the whole ensemble with her luscious red lips and a pout to die for and halter backless dress and don't forget those heels in my opinion has been the most seductive and orgasmic female ever. ( Just her mere glimpse can make a man hard)

Lets not restrict ourselves to yesteryear ladies we will explore nut before that talking of celluloid and 70 mm silver screen it was Hollywood that gave sex to the film industry worldwide and were the first to make it so buyable ... with not just raunchy explicit and hot scenes but otherwise... And heels played an integral part in this even classics like "sound of music" and "my fair lady" it was out an out a heely affair with those drappy gowns well covered necklines very elegantly put accessories was indeed a fine mix but it used to be the pointed pencil shoes in those shiny colors wine red and ebony black that made the entire look so grand.

Heels are commodity every women craves for and its makes the men to crave for her ;) Thanks to Versace and Armani that they widened their horizons and went beyond just designing outfits. Thanks to Gucci for those lovely boots and every well known designer who now dabbles in shoes. From flats to wedge heels, from block to pencil heels and kitten heels to peep toe there is a wide range for girls and ladies to satiate their thirst to look and feel sexy.

Now you not just need a sexy or a lacy lingerie to impress your man even heels could do wonders... :)

so...

to woo a man it's not silk and ooze its simple ' JUST STILETTOS' ;)

T.W.M 'A KICKASS STARTER'

Dope, Booze, and Fag can keep you high and intoxicated for just the time your consume it and a little after it. But I experienced a new drug with this new venture ' Tanu Weds Manu'. The work culture, the people, the whole ambiance makes you insane to crave for it. The intoxication you get is addictive and no rehabilitation center can help you recover from it.

Working at odd hours gives you a kick 9:00 to 5:00 jobs are so mundane, 5:00 to 9:00 is in. When the world sleeps and you are working with flood lights and babies, tracks and dollies is so much more exciting and adventurous. Creating day in night and going against the law of nature...is so awe inspiring.

In the wee hours when all and sundry are in deep slumber the directors and others are on their foot running around to make a shot perfect. From light man to camera person are as vigilant as bats, they sense even a small change in the setting of lights and blocking just like a bat sense its prey by its mere exhaling and inhaling.

I just loved the people the whole crew their, everyone was so full of zeal and passions. All were hungry to work if one was summoned four use to be at the director's beck and call. No ego clashes, no procrastinations just work, I saw there.

Learnt the jargons of the media world not to flaunt it but to keep it grow with it and use it as and when required. The road of learnng began with knowing people from this humongous field. My day at the shoot began on 9th October, 2009 and my first introduction was with Mr. Rishad Rizvi and well know city director and a theater person. Like a food chain the series of introductions happened. Next was Mr. Rati I will remember him by the way I was introduced to him... "He is a man one must know if you are in this Film Making field, Ambika this guy has immense contacts and hold" Rati ji is a man of production and done more than hundreds of movies.

Next like a timid deer I stood next to Ashish new to surroundings and a little jittery and cranky like a school going kid but I was pacified soon. I came to know (whose who?, Whose your daddy? and whose the baby?) Aanand .L.Rai the Director of the film was a tall plump guy with a tiny paunch. Always casually dressed with a rugged jeans and striped and checkered Shirts tucked out. He was a jolly guy. Next I met Himanshu Sharma the script writer was very much from Lucknow and was a Spring Dale College product was a serious guys but the way he use to dress I perceived he was super creative (1 of my ways of judging one's creativity). Next was Anay Goswamy the Camera person started as a photographer and by 21 he was professionally into it he was a F.T.I pass out. One helluva a guy so focussed and passioned I hardly saw him sitting and wasting time. I always found him near his camera or discussing scenes with the director and telling the light man about the shot and the lighting he wants.

The camera used was AARI FLEX 235 considered the lightest cameras for shooting films was the most beautiful machines that I saw there. Ebony black loved its design and the finesse with which it was made. All the gadgets for the film was hired by 'Ad labs' Then you guys must have seen a device with which the assistant directors call out (SCENE 1 / 2 TAKE 1) you guys know it... thats called a 'clap' and before every and shot it is done as a rituals well I know my readers are intelligent but just to tell them, since no single shot is perfect so many takes are taken and the camera uses the reel use record it so when on the editing table this clap makes the herculean task of making the films as easy as snapping ones fingers. Next comes the 'Continuity Book' in which everything is written the scene, number of takes which angle the scene was shot the type of lens used and all about it.

Till now I have just heard and and read about various kind of camera angles but this time I was witnessing it in person I was the' Tracks' the 'Dolly', the 'Trolley' the 'Jepy Jep', ' Easy Rick' and the 'Rick' well all these are technical lingo rather equipments to hold the camera to shoot a specified scenes. Isn't it amazing? Then I almost saw all movements and angles of camera from panning to tilting, low angle to bird view. Learnt about tight frames and loose frames, the significance of a wide shot and keeping characters as suggestions to shoot the protagonists. Learnt the importance of continuity and we actors had to wear the same attire was days. It used to get so boring :((

Then there were many Assistant Directors in this film they being Vivek he was the Chief A.D followed by Akshara, Anuj, Abhishek, Gaurav, Abahy and Ashish. It was an awesome experience interacting with them. I had a great Rapport with Akshara our connections and bonds began with Loreto a common school we shared though we were from different states yet the school brought us closer. She was the sweetest and the most genuine person around. Always ready to help and had plethora of patience in her as a novice she mothered me know and learn many things there.

There was an entire team of light man which was headed by a man whom we used to call 'Jon da' they all were so skilled they use to install those huge reflectors and babies, bounce in just few hours. With their agility and quickness I almost thought these guys have Gorilla instinct in them. But I came to know how consuming and tedious this job is... Our camera person being a perfectionist used to spend hours on lighting. So in that case to shoot a 6 second shot it took 3 hours for the light department to put all in place and to achieve the desired effect.

I have told you all behind the scene now its time to meet the stars. Kangana Ranaut, R.Madhvan , Jimmy Shergil, Radenra Gupta, Deepak Doobariyal, Ejaaz Khan, Swara Bhaskar andNavni Parihar.

Among many scenes I shot with them one which is etched in my memory is the one in which I was with Madhvan and Kangana at that time I almost felt sandwiched between the auras of these to known people. I realized with such a immense screen persona they possess, it has actually strengthens their auras that I almost felt suffocated and suppressed. But with time I gradually made my way and chiseled a way for myself. It was a great experience working with them. They knew how to draw a line between their professional and personal lives. Could see the hunger to work and acheive fame in their eyes.

Kangana was more of a shy girl hardly spoke on the sets use to reharse her lines when waiting for the shot to get ready. She look even young in person as compared on screen. Her sister Rangoli always use to accompany her with her dog Pluto and her spot boy and hairdresser and makeup artist were like mandates of a constituency, they were always there even if not required.

Next was Madhwan well working there gave me a privilege to call him 'Maddy' ;) was a serious guy on set while the scene was shot other was he was quite jocund and jolly off screen. With a robust physic and 4 decades to his age he looked quite fit. Joking with people tell us how to improvise our scenes to make it better or just playing with the still camera were few acts he use to indulge in.

Deepak Doobariyal was one fine actor and an amazing person with zero attitude and no star tantrums use to hang around on the sets only . It seemed he abhorred his vanity so spent most of his time with us the junior actors and extras. But hats off to his acting prowess its so natural as if he learnt it from his mom's womb.

Swara Bhaskar was in my opinion a debutant but was good in her own way, she began his acting career with theater a dusky girl with a resonant voice will give a tough time to all the sultry and scorching beauties in our tinsel town.

One person whom I admired the most was Navni Parihar was just an epitome of an Indian beauty not just beauty but poise grace and elegance personified,is a very dedicated actress though a little insecure about her presence on screen but thats okay ( Its a phobia all actors suffer) Technically I spent more time with on sets so a silent relationship of just acknowledging each other began. I became a mute spectator to all her gestures and skills and with this I learnt a lot.

For this venture I had to sacrifice all my festivals from Deepavali to Bhai Dooj, no regrets because I learnt the biggest lesson in life. "KAAM HI POOJA HAI" (work is worship) This was the day when we were shooting the climax on deepavali and we the junior actors asked our casting director that did you guys do the traditional and very ritualistic Laxmi Pooja ? and I just got enlightened with his answer. That day I was the most contended person on this blessed earth.

Soon the movie is about to come to an end... ( I mean the schedule in Lucknow was coming to an end) and I so much into it can feel the pain of not having it anymore. Though we have a second schedule but we will have to wait for like a fortnight or an month.

The last day was quite overwhelming, people were so suffused with enthusiasm and happiness just because they were leaving to their respective cities and homes that very evening. With broad smiles and a bizarre agility engulfed the atmosphere... Everything was so quick the time was flowing like a sand and at noon 12:00 the director announced "PACK UP" and the whole unit screamed with glee it was some festival of a kind. People hugging each other, getting photographs clicked thanking each other. People being applauded for their work. In short we shared lighter moods with them. some with a smile and other with wet eyes. It was a whirlpool of emotions. An experience I will never forget I will always cherish it like those great times spend with friends and relish it like those hot chocolates which transported me to heaven.

Though the journey was a short one there more to come...

"PACK UP"

TANU WEDS MANU

SCENE 1 / TAKE 1

A month and half back and cell ranged, it was by my college mate Ashish informed me of an audition being held near 'ZEE MALL' for a film. Earlier many times this guy has done the same but before this I had never paid heed to it. The conversation ended with same cliche statements like "Yea yea I will try but don't be too sure about it" and all that jazz.

SCENE 1 / TAKE 2

Honestly, like other times I would have skipped this as well had not another colleague from college forced me to come. We talked about experiences and trying everything once since all of us were pursuing mass. com so "its important to build contacts" totally convinced I decided to face it with zeal and enthusiasm.

SCENE 1 / TAKE 3

Though I did no homework for it but decided to look my best in white Capri and a purple top I was ready. At my chic best I jolted in an auto and headed towards my destination 'KHANA SHYAM GUEST HOUSE' I had so many inhibitions about this particular thing especially the infamous 'CASTING COUCH' then the people whom i will meet. My biggest fear was that the veterans of the field will rule it and I being a novice will be too minuscule to influence anyone.

SCENE 1 / TAKE 4

It was 10:30 am I was the only in that small cubical like room and my heart was throbbing with anxiousness. There I met 2 gentlemen( My perception changed with time) Rahul Sir 'THE CASTING DIRECTOR' and Raj Sir 'THE LYRICIST' there I was given a 1 page script and in 5 minutes they demanded me to learn and rehearse it for final audition. After reading the script thrice I had almost memorized it. And I was ready for it. In this entire event I found one thing very amusing was, that before the audition we were given a slate and a chalk and on that we had to write our name and phone number and stand before the camera and speak that loud placing it in front of you giving different profiles. I looked like a raid victim.

SCENE 2 / TAKE 1

After rehearsing 3 to four times before the camera my final shot happened, both the men were very supportive and encouraging. Then I was called again the next day but this time they asked me to wear a salwar suit and come. The character demanded it and they wanted to see my look in that attire. Next day Came with less inhibitions and more of excitement I herald to the guest house since it was more of a familiar place to me now. Today there were more people of all age groups. From kids to aged all experienced and were already doing theater for years. I was the most vulnerable there even the 6 year old kid was a veteran there and had been acting for like 2 to 3 years. I was sure by now that I don't stand a chance here at all. But I have never stopped trying. It was my turn now me along with 2 other girls went inside that small cubicle like room. This time I we were given situations to improvise as well, we a song and dance the audition ended.

SCENE 2 / TAKE 2

After that the entire event was forgotten and we were consumed in our daily mundane life, going to college, attending lectures, wracking our brains to think for projects. Well even Ashish was totally oblivious about it. We never discussed it. Just use to ask him where did he take the two gentlemen to show our city of Nawabs. That is it.

SCENE 3 / TAKE 1

Recently this September, I was busy doing an article for 'THOUGHT CAFE" I got a call from Ashish again asking me to come on the dice. Oblivious to everything but curiosity engulfed me I raced towards the dice. There Ashish and one more friend Vidit told me that I have been selected for the movie 'Tanu Weds Manu'. I was shell shocked this was something that wasn't sinking in. It took me 4 days to realize that I was in it. Finally a smile lit on my face.

SCENE 3 / TAKE 2

With the conformity of it came new challenges first being parents, consent which was granted, then came college support thanks to our new HOI who was more than just being supportive. He provided us with all the information and exempted us promising attendance to both me and Ashish. Gave us a lesson as to how to take life and challenges in life and also guided us how to make the right choice in life. Now with all our worries handled we were in a better condition to work.

SCENE 3 / TAKE 3

Next person was our print media professor Mr. Mahadev whom I share a great rapport with was next to know about it. He gave me ample advise on how to go about it. Then very same day I got a call from Sudhanshu Sir he was the local artist coordinator and wanted to meet us. Next day I met him in Coffee House now looked better with it new makeover. He briefed us about the film and quenched all our queries. It was first professional meeting and since that day I learnt how to built contacts. It was nice short and sweet meet. Ever since that day the learning journey began.

SCENE 3 / TAKE 4

My last stop before I embark upon the final journey was to meet Rahul Sir again. This time he had sheltered in a hotel called Tulip a little posh than the last time. It was 15 minutes meet but was very bubbly and pacey. We talked about what we did all this while when we were not in touch. Explained me my role and the kind of attire I will have to wear and since its a low budget film so we have to bring our own clothes. We few more greetings and wishes we parted ways and a different kind of happiness suffused me me. Like a lunatic with a Julia Robert like smile I came home.

INTERMISSION

The journey will be concluded in the next post

which will talk about the latter half and how the

film was made and how I grew as a person and

a professional. And how blessed I feel to have

achieved a film as my 1st venture...

"ITS NOT AN END ITS JUST THE BEGINNING"

Learn[!]ng L[!]fe

'What Kills you most makes you strong.

Hence to chase your dreams, one has to bear the worst nightmares'

Goonj~ ek unsuni cheekh !!

Goonj an echo I heard within me when I saw the most nervewracking cliping of my life...

Two ladies came to aur old campus fondly called the (VKC) from a NGO called goonj. Due to torrential rains my spirits were equally dampened as the roads of our city. My step grew heavy as I entered our studio and saw two ladies, one salt and papper hair and the other a lovely damsel made the ambience very mirthful and informal with their spontaneous chutzpah...

Like all other lectures they had the usualy projector and had something to show. But inside it they had something which I never sensed or see.

Though a very bizzare way of telling what this organization dose but was a relevation of a kind.

Goonj worked on the concept of "Kapda, Roti, Makkan" and focus on primarily on Kapda.

The gooseflesh story began when the head of goonj came in forefront to address the crowd.

"I know I am discussing a topic which in the 21st century is still considered a taboo and I want it to a dining table issue" He talked about how the rural female survives those five days evry month. Yes I am talking about the mensuration cycle. Well you will be surprized to know that they use the same cloth repeatedly for days or pices of rags. The terror is hear to come when I heard that a women dies of titnis they also use sand and due to different cycles in a family women use the same cloth.

I know its awful, I would never have gathered enough courage to out it on my blog but this is where we as human beings need to be aware.

Everybody tallks of education, sanitaion, health and literacy but we never ponder about the taboo subjects. Now the owner of this NGO says that " we have so many festivals like diwali, dushera and other but there should be a giving festival where we give". So Goonj has started a nation wide drive from 27th september to 4th october. So give and celebrate. Collect material from clothing to paper. Goonj is now working for 2 decades and have done immense work acrooss india. Be it Bihar or Tsunami hot victims down south. The NGO is working endlessly making rugs out of audio tapes, skipping ropes from duppattas, Under garments so on and so forth. School bags from discarded demins and many other things.

This Goonj within me will never fade. My soul will always burn since I envision to make this unheard goonj heard.