Sinfully me...

Like any other about to get graduated student my days are dull and have a lingering lull... There is so much going in my mind yet the mind and actions fail to fall in sync. My 3 years in college have been great and gloomy with my highs and low... a little hay and a little ho!!

Suddenly all seem to change I see people around me who are ambitious not that I'm less but they belong to the rare species who are focused. ( I wonder how I still feel confused zonked and tranced) Well you cannot understand my plight till you go through it yourself... "BALLS!!! to all those who have the guts to day I UNDERSTAND" Hello... you don't have to sympathetic to me at all... I will fight it my way... I might be weak with arms and ammunition yet  I have a firm believe that I will get through hard times. I know for a fact the initial days or the first step is always is the most difficult for every great person in life... Be it Albert Eisenstein or Ambika Chandra. In the journey so far I realized I have given myself least importance to myself... not because I thought I was worthless (I'm every bit LO'real!!! Yes.. I'm worth it.) but I believed in the importance of others in my life. My 1st mistake in my life so far has been this... though you learn from your mistakes but this is one mistake I would never like to mend. People give me happiness and being around them makes me even more happy. It makes my life more lucid and simple.

Next was falling in love... I didn't know I have a low self esteem if I love somebody and the irony of the life is that " I'AM NO EXCEPTION to him" "He has given nobody a RIGHT on his life" to be honest I am not even asking for the right nor I want to be an exception...But people should realize that Words hurt more than actions and a scar given my words always stay with you no matter you move on in life or you don't. There is nothing like moving on in life its just acceptance of the situation. You know that a consequence or an instance can never turn in your favor leaves you uneasy and uncomfortable, leaving you depressed and stressed. But the day reality sinks in that you you are looking for is unachievable you experience with yourself. and thats ACCEPTANCE!!!  The war that is on within you ends you find solace with the fact that its pointless running after something that doesn't has a dead end. :-) 

I have come to realize that I don't take things personally well not true I do a lot of things but I thinks it futile to think about it hold in against someone and use it later. All these things are too trivial in life thus I firmly believe in the concept of 'FORGET OR FORGIVE' since whats done cannot be undone and whats said can never we unsaid. Not that things don't hurt me or I am some kind of saint in life but I have never those kinds things I am too involved in do affect me a lot but that's how life is. It will never give you what you want never serve you what you wish... People say it gives you what you deserve... By the time you get what you deserve you have past the stage to desire and wish.

I know whoever reading this might say that I'm depressed. Yes I am!! But then everybody  goes through such stages in life who doesn't... But this period has taught me so much about myself, people around me, who care and who don't. Whose genuine and whose fake.It will sound very archaic but the book 'The Alchemist' say that "If you want genuinely want something then the whole universe conspires to give you that." Likewise I say that when you are low, depressed, broken and irritated the whole world conspires to make you even more low and depressed. There is a lot in me to vent all that has been going through inside me for the past 2 decades. I will relate you instances both happy and sad my believes and my fads.

For the first time I'am actually introspecting myself off limits and through and through... I think at this time its important, it's now or never... In the process of introspection I have learnt detachment as in how and when to detach , delete and format things in life though Its hard to practice in real the virus named 'ATTACHMENT' is eating me inside out I know it will leave me hollow yet the anti-virus or the anecdote for it I fail to apply.  Moreover I realized that I fail to follow trend a pattern or a routine I don't know how to tackle with this because I still don't think its a problem. Its a very essential part of me and my personality.I came to know of a self that can do anything and everything if I'm enough motivated.I know I haven't written something new yet these were my view.