Castle of Sand!

Like any other 23 year old I dream of making it big in life, and I would be lying if I say I don’t want name and fame (But all for good reasons). I want to be everything that I’m not. I’m a free spirited dreamer who just doesn’t dreams but wishes to make them all true one day. With all the aspirations and ambitions in me I have my vices too. I tend to take things too easy and get lazy at time (very Nawabi trait! Thanks to being born and brought up in Lucknow). But this never stopped me from thinking about what I want to be.

A dancer, performer, writer, painter, traveler, a food gourmet, a film critic and a director are the things galore I want to be. By now you must have judged me how aptly I fit into the CONFUSED GENERATION BANDWAGON. And here I start my list of what I want to be…

I want to be a dancer and learn all forms of it in the world and stage such a scintillating performance that’s leaves my audience spellbound and awestruck. I want to be socialist so that I remove all the stigmas and taboos from our society and make it a better place to live. I want to tell people that LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL LIVE IT… And INDIA IS A PLACE OF CULTURES ENRICH IT!!!

I want to act and perform like Nandita Das and Smitha Patil and be like Marilyn Monroe. I want to do character roles like Seema Biswas and Shabana Azmi at one hand and on the other do roles like Geet full of chutzpah in ‘JAB WE MET’, and play Anne Hathway in ‘DEVIL WEARS PRADA’.

I want to go to FTII and study where Rajkumar Hirani and Om Puri studied. Make films that become benchmarks in parallel cinema yet will be hailed as commercial hit. I want to live my life to the fullest and enjoy each day.

I want to go abroad and study films and filmography with Stephen Spielberg, Woody Allen, buy a house in Beverly Hills’ and Hollywood. I wish to share silver screen with Julia Roberts and light up the theater with our electrifying smiles. :P I also want to romance Richard Gere  amd make love to Johnny Depp.

Before I age and grow old I also want to publish my biography which has my experiences and maverick ideas and I would name it. ‘NO STRINGS ATTACHED’-my people and me!

I want to make my parents proud and give them everything that sacrificed for me so that I can have the best of everything. I want to fall in love and enjoy in bliss.

In short I want my life to be satisfied and contended. So that on my grave the epitaph says.

                                    “LIVED & LOVED

                                     LIFE & FRIENDS

                                        DARE & DID

                                   TILL THE VERY END”

Sinfully me...

Like any other about to get graduated student my days are dull and have a lingering lull... There is so much going in my mind yet the mind and actions fail to fall in sync. My 3 years in college have been great and gloomy with my highs and low... a little hay and a little ho!!

Suddenly all seem to change I see people around me who are ambitious not that I'm less but they belong to the rare species who are focused. ( I wonder how I still feel confused zonked and tranced) Well you cannot understand my plight till you go through it yourself... "BALLS!!! to all those who have the guts to day I UNDERSTAND" Hello... you don't have to sympathetic to me at all... I will fight it my way... I might be weak with arms and ammunition yet  I have a firm believe that I will get through hard times. I know for a fact the initial days or the first step is always is the most difficult for every great person in life... Be it Albert Eisenstein or Ambika Chandra. In the journey so far I realized I have given myself least importance to myself... not because I thought I was worthless (I'm every bit LO'real!!! Yes.. I'm worth it.) but I believed in the importance of others in my life. My 1st mistake in my life so far has been this... though you learn from your mistakes but this is one mistake I would never like to mend. People give me happiness and being around them makes me even more happy. It makes my life more lucid and simple.

Next was falling in love... I didn't know I have a low self esteem if I love somebody and the irony of the life is that " I'AM NO EXCEPTION to him" "He has given nobody a RIGHT on his life" to be honest I am not even asking for the right nor I want to be an exception...But people should realize that Words hurt more than actions and a scar given my words always stay with you no matter you move on in life or you don't. There is nothing like moving on in life its just acceptance of the situation. You know that a consequence or an instance can never turn in your favor leaves you uneasy and uncomfortable, leaving you depressed and stressed. But the day reality sinks in that you you are looking for is unachievable you experience with yourself. and thats ACCEPTANCE!!!  The war that is on within you ends you find solace with the fact that its pointless running after something that doesn't has a dead end. :-) 

I have come to realize that I don't take things personally well not true I do a lot of things but I thinks it futile to think about it hold in against someone and use it later. All these things are too trivial in life thus I firmly believe in the concept of 'FORGET OR FORGIVE' since whats done cannot be undone and whats said can never we unsaid. Not that things don't hurt me or I am some kind of saint in life but I have never those kinds things I am too involved in do affect me a lot but that's how life is. It will never give you what you want never serve you what you wish... People say it gives you what you deserve... By the time you get what you deserve you have past the stage to desire and wish.

I know whoever reading this might say that I'm depressed. Yes I am!! But then everybody  goes through such stages in life who doesn't... But this period has taught me so much about myself, people around me, who care and who don't. Whose genuine and whose fake.It will sound very archaic but the book 'The Alchemist' say that "If you want genuinely want something then the whole universe conspires to give you that." Likewise I say that when you are low, depressed, broken and irritated the whole world conspires to make you even more low and depressed. There is a lot in me to vent all that has been going through inside me for the past 2 decades. I will relate you instances both happy and sad my believes and my fads.

For the first time I'am actually introspecting myself off limits and through and through... I think at this time its important, it's now or never... In the process of introspection I have learnt detachment as in how and when to detach , delete and format things in life though Its hard to practice in real the virus named 'ATTACHMENT' is eating me inside out I know it will leave me hollow yet the anti-virus or the anecdote for it I fail to apply.  Moreover I realized that I fail to follow trend a pattern or a routine I don't know how to tackle with this because I still don't think its a problem. Its a very essential part of me and my personality.I came to know of a self that can do anything and everything if I'm enough motivated.I know I haven't written something new yet these were my view.

Rendezvous

Statutory Warning : This piece of fiction is full on facts

captured by the IRIS of my eye. :-P

Written in good humor and Intentions just for the FUN of it.

Go READ and ENJOY!!! :-D

3 saal mein kya kuch na badla,school se college badla...

Uniforms aur skirts ko salwar kameez aur chunni mein badla.

2 pigtails ponies with ribbon aur blunt hair with band ko,

Khoole Baalo, Rajor cut aur Fringes mein badla. ;-)

Office Bearers ke orders aur delegation ko,

senior ki ragging aur bullying mein badla

JAANE INN 3 SAAL KYA KYA BADLA!!!

Auto ne cycle ko hawa ke paiso ne,sawaari ke kiraayon mein badla...

LC M.G Road ko Amity V.K.C mein badla.

Backbenchers below average logo ko,

pseudo intellectuals mein badla.

Gaon ki choriya bani BEHENJI TURNED MOD,

and class ki babes said ki BHAI IT'S HOT!!!

1st year mein sabko kuch tha banna...chahe ho

ACTOR, ANCHOR ya P.R Consultant banne ki TAMMANNA.

Teesre saal tak aate aate laga ki

.bhai ab hai counselor se milna :-P

Pehle jo tha ALLAH TAUBA,

ab vo hai ENJOY AUR FUN karne ka ek mauka.

Pehle bas RAM PRAKASH & SONS ki bani hui uniforms mein zindagi bitagi,

ab LIVE'S, TOMMY HILLFIGER aur BURBERRY ki choices bhi kam pad jati :-D

Pehle jo dhyaan trigonometry aur ratio proportion mein lagta tha,

ab vo ladkiyon ke CLEAVAGE aur ladko ke ASS ko judge karne mein bhatakta...

12th tak jo karte the RELATIONSHIP MEIN JEENE MARNE KI BAATIEN,

Graduation ke 2 saal khatam hone tak ONE NIGHT STANDS cool ban jaate.

Namaste, Pranam, Hello karne wale log

aaj,What's up??? aur What the fuck!!!keh kar kaam chalate.

Confused aur wired log aapne aap ko BISEXUAL batate,:-P

aur pata nahi 3 saalo mein kitni FIZOOL ki Beena sar paer

ki THEORIES and PHILOSOPHY de jaate.

Dosti par mar mitne waale,khoon paseena ek kar jaane wale,

asaani se BACKSTABBING aur BITCHING kar jate hai.

CURRENT AFFAIRS aur NEWS se update rehne wale log

eventually, GOSSIP MONGERS ban jate hai

BLEMISHES, PIMPLES aur PORES se 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww' karne wale log,

TATTOO aur PIERCINGS so FASHION batate hai!!"

ANYTHING FOR YOU MA'AM" aur "5 POINT SOMEONE" padhne wale log

inhe CHARLES DICKENS aur EMILY BRONTE jaise CLASSIC authors se compare kar jaate hai.

"Oh!!! I looooooooooooooovvvv to read" kehne wale log

'TWILIGHT SERIES' ko apna AWESOME collection batate hai :P"

Mujhe kapdo latho se toh matlab nahi hai" kehte the jo kal,

aaj CUTS, SLITS, STILETOES aur FALLING NECKS batane wale 'STYLE GURUS' ban jaate hai.

70's ke retro look waale lambe baal log ekdum se

SPIKED HAIR, aur PUNK ho jaate hai...

Aur jo with time CHANGE nahi ho paate hai

vo LOOSERS kehlate hai.

Bloated Egos, Superiority Complex aur I'm NOBODY jaise log,

Apne aap ko SENSIBLE ADULTS batate hai.

Boost aur Horlicks peene waale log aaj,

SEX ON THE BEACH aur LBW ko"Oh!! What DRINK"!!! batate hai ;-) :-P

Havan aur Agni kund ka DHUA SUFFOCATING sa tha lagta

wahi aaj HOOKEH ka SMOKE FRAGRANCE hai lagta.

Being late is the new definition of PUNCTUALITY,

aur IMPATIENCE bana naye TOLERANCE ka funda.B-)

SPORTS, BASKETBALL aur HOBBIES bas baatien reh jaati hai,

kyuki sara time toh FASHION, MAKE UP aur BLOW DRY karne mein nikal jatti hai :-)

Bhramcharya ka palan karne walo ko ekdum se!!

LSD karna aa jata hai...

MASS.COM ka matlab bas PRINT MEDIA ko gariyana

aur MOVIES dekhna reh jata hai... (lol)

Pehle jo samaye HARD WORK aur PADHAI hota tha ab vo,

car mein baith kar AANKHEN SEKNE mien nikal jata hai.

Pehle jo kehte the 'GOSH AMITY IS FAAAAAR',

aaj unhe VKC TO MOC JOGGER'S PARK lagta mere YAAR!!

Pehle 90% was WOW!! WHATTA SCORE...

aur Aaj 9 Pointers are SUCH A BORE!! ;-)

Pehle we wanted everything to be at par,

but aaj sirf 300/- ke liye ho jati hai MAAR!!!

3 saal khatam hone tak TRICONE ka chautha cone ban jayega,

bas fir kya COLLEGE KHATAM hote hi sab kuch SHUNYA ho jayega.